changing your mind sets.
Now it is time to get your head straight about a few things. we will start with the lies you have been told by society and the media. we will begin with the big one, women like sex as much if not more than men! do not blame women for this secret as they lie to each other about it as well and even to themselves, hence a lot of women’s hang ups being they think something is wrong with them. originally this did serve some purpose when religion and disease meant sex could kill you but now even with safe sex and female equality they still want to avoid the stupid made up label of slut. this is because women who believe the song "if you liked it then you should of put a ring on it" do not want there competition giving it away for free. what this means is as long as you make sure she knows you are desecrate and non judgemental your odds go way up and if you know that giving her sex is doing her a favour then you will be less needy and she can not use sex as a bargaining chip to control you. so just remember that sex is a two way street and you are not the one with an organ who’s only job is sexual pleasure (in case your not sure, it is the clitoris. the one thing TV got right is the fact you should know what it is, where it is and how to treat it. you do not need me for that bit, google will give you plenty of tips in that department lol. I may cover keeping them happy in bed in a later post but for now let us stick to getting them in bed shall we!)
Now onto some other lies and untruths. it is not about looks and money, yes they do not hurt but they are not important especially if you are trying to avoid shallow gold diggers. a common mistake is that men think women are thinking the same way we are, men are genetically programmed to be interested in looks as what we find good looking in women are the traits we want in our offspring. women look for confidence, leadership and protection. yes that is why Donald Trump and Hue Heffener can pull so well but the same traits are why you see women throwing themselves at club bouncers. it is not the money, it is the power. hell even macdonalds managers get female staff after them lol. OK you as a geek may not be built for bouncer work and your dreams of being the next Steve jobs or bill gates may not have happened yet. so how do you show these quality’s right now? well the easiest and hardest is be more confident. it is easiest as you do not have to do anything to show it, just be it. it is hardest as this is the one that takes most time and effort to learn. hell even I still struggle with this one although I am light years from the insecure wall flower I used to be. so it is time to take more risks, they do not have to be that big to start with. I started just by getting up on karaoke and talking to barmaids who have to be nice to you. it is basically when your brain says " I like her" your feet take you over to her and your mouth starts talking to her. constantly tell yourself in the words of Nike "just do it!" and do not worry about outcome. you are not trying to get something, you are just curious to see what happens. further down I will list a few affirmations to help with confidence but unfortunately this one is going to be a daily struggle but with every attempt it will become easier to progress.
Next lets look at protection or more accurately comfort. basically does she feel safe around you? this one you have to show as telling someone that you are not a serial killer is a bit off putting. here you want a warm smile (think George cloony not the joker) and a friendly attitude avoiding coming across as needy or insecure. you want an abundance mindset that there are plenty more fish in the sea and the thought you are there to give warm feelings and brighten her day, you are not there to take or get anything. you are not there to impress her or to beg for her attention, you are there because you are curious about whether she is worthy of your attention. you will not become reactive if she gives you any shit as you are the calm rock for her emotional waves to beat against. you will either laugh at them, ignore them or agree with her objections and then take them to the extreme (the improv "yes, and" game) while keeping that warm friendly smile on your face.
And now for the toughy, leadership. being a social leader means you really need to have gotten than confidence and comfort to at least a reasonable level first. you have to go from being fun at the party to becoming the party! you are the source of fun helping all those around you enjoy themselves. if there are several good venues on one night then the answer to which one is best is the one you chose to go to. but that is just your ultimate goal, yes leading a group in your venue is great but you can start by just leading the girl you are talking to just by asking her to do small things and getting her to comply. like getting her to make eye contact, getting her to talk to you and getting her to give you her name then on to bigger things like getting her to move to a quiet area with you or getting her to dance with you but this will be covered more fully in the qualification section. the other leadership thing to remember is to avoid asking for things so in the get her name situation you offer your name and stop talking. you do not ask her to dance, you say I love this song lets dance and take her hand gently and start walking towards the dance floor. if she follows then great and if she doesn’t then fine. you just do not have her compliant enough yet. remember you are a rock so you will not react badly to her refusal and you will not beg. you will either go off to the dance floor without her and come back after the song or listen to her excuse and agree then take it to the extreme (yes, and again) then in both cases go back to building comfort then try leading her again later.
So now we have covered confidence, comfort and leadership let us look at the old saying that nice guys finish last. the reason it seems all the jerks get the girls is not because they are jerks but because they demonstrate the qualities covered in the last section. there is a difference between a nice guy and a good guy in the fact that good guys do nice things because they feel like it and want nothing in return whereas nice nice guys do good things to seek approval from others. both bad boys and good guys do not need to please others for their own self worth as they get all there worth from themselves but bad boys do not care what others think of them because they are egotistical megalomaniac socio-paths that do not care about others whereas good guys are always looking to improve themselves and those around them, just because they are emotionally self sufficient does not mean they are blind to the emotional needs of those around them. the trick is not to come across as needy or insecure without being an arrogant jerk. as mentioned before, you must come from a place of abundance. you are not dependant on others liking you as you already like yourself and you do not need to chase that one women when there are more than enough to go around (about 52% of the planet) but just because you are more than capable of having a good time on your own dose not mean you should not spread the wealth and make sure everyone around you is having a good time as well remember you are there to give good feelings not to try and get anything from others and a smile is infectious. just have a good time laughing and joking with those around you and women will be drawn to you like a moth to a flame where you will invite them to join the conversation and introduce them to everyone else, remember earlier when I said about being the party, well this is how you do it. say hello to everyone and introduce them to each other just like it is a party and you are the host. so as long as you do this, you do not have to be a jerk and this time like in all the best story’s the good guys will always win.
Finally I will tell you a secret most guys will not believe. telling a woman you like her is not a crime. you can check the law books (OK some work places frown on it but why are you shitting on your own door step anyway) despite what you have been told by other guys, lying to women is BAD. you will NOT pretend you only want to be her friend and hope she falls madly in love with you. you will NOT pretend you are a doctor when you really work in game store and you will NOT say she is the only girl in your life when you are seeing multiple women. you will get caught and you will be punished. they where not lying when they said there is no fury like a woman scorned. so you are going to try a new technique that 90% of men are not using, HONESTY!, a rather foreign idea between men and women nowadays but if you don't ask you don't get. if you think she has a great butt don't tell her she has a lovely smile. if she accuses you of just trying to get in her pants tell her she's absolutely right and if you do something stupid tell her well that was stupid. always be ready to call out the elephant in the room.
so now your pointing out your own mistakes before others can and telling a woman why you really like her and what you want from her (just try to be eloquent guys, you look pretty lets have sex is probably not your best choice of lines but then again if she's horny enough it might still work) we get to the other side of the coin. its not necessary to agree with every thing she says to score brownie points, in fact quite the opposite. some of my most interesting evenings have come from arguments with women (that's arguments as in reasoned debates from differing standpoints not I must stress yelling in each others faces. that can work too but you really don't want to hang out with girls like that plus your Mr calm and polite without a care in the world why the hell are you yelling?) if she puts forward a good case feel free to calmly stand corrected but if not, you are a rock that will not be moved just so she can get her way, in the event of a stalemate just agree to disagree. so be honest guys. it is OK to tell her about your LARP weekends as long as you are passionate about it as women love passionate guys as much as they hate dishonest ones which is where geeks have an advantage over boring guys. it may be star trek but at least they show the ability to love something.
Well as promised above here are the affirmations but since this was such a long article as mindsets is the biggest and most important thing you need to learn to get the girl (all the rest on this site is just icing to take you from better to great) I will only list a few affirmations but feel free to cut your own from the article above or look some up on the internet or even make up your own. these are little things to keep telling yourself till you finally believe them. OK some of them will sound silly but remember these are over confident beliefs to counteract and undo all the negative beliefs in your head. as the first two will show, believing you are gods gift to women and every woman wants you will not make it true but believing it to be true will boost your confidence and therefore make it more true than not believing so what do you have to lose. you could try reading them aloud each morning or reminding yourself before you approach or even recording your self saying them and listening to them on a loop on your ipod for 10 mins a day.
I am gods gift to women.
every woman wants me.
I will grow from rejection as it is a learning experience.
I do not hesitate.
if she has not walked away then it is still on.
I am here for a good time, what happens, happens.
I do not judge others.
I always leave her better than I found her.
I display my passion proudly and without reservation.
I do not need to boast to others or kiss and tell to prove my worth.